Why So Silent?

Michael had another episode of uncontrollable rage yesterday morning. He also threatened suicide for the hundredth time, so we took him to the emergency room at the local children’s hospital.

It’s odd…I had a friend just the night before post a picture on social media about her son who was in a terrible accident and life flight took him to the closest hospital. Hugs, prayers, sympathy, offers for assistance, meals, etc. flooded her page. I have friends whose children suffer from chronic illness and even cancer. They check in to the hospitals all.the.time. and keep their friends and family updated. Again, more sympathy. More prayers. More offers to help.

So why is it that mental illness is still only spoken about in hushed tones far away from listening ears? You know what? I NEED HUGS, TOO! But mental illnesses are taboo. They make others uncomfortable. Some don’t even recognize it as an actual condition. It’s all in your head (see what I did there?)

So yesterday I didn’t check in to the hospital on Facebook. I didn’t take a picture of my not so little anymore boy in his burgundy scrubs on Instagram. Hell, I’m even writing behind a fake name on this blog.

Does anybody know how lonely I am? Does anybody out there understand the pain and agony I suffer on a daily basis?

My son is suffering. My whole family has been affected. Things are just plain HARD. But I can’t be open about our life, so I put on a fake smile, pull my unwashed hair into a mom-bun, and saunter around town like I don’t have a care in the world.

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